Unasked Questions
by forensicduck
Summary: Some questions that went through Sean's mind at some point.


**Title: Unasked Questions**  
**Summary: Questions that went through Sean's mind at some point.**  
**Pairing: Sean/Alex**

* * *

_Do you even care about me like I care about you?_

I ponder the question, letting it settle in my mind as my gaze falls out the window. Silhouettes of buildings flash by my eyes as our vehicle seemed to seamlessly flow through traffic. I grit my teeth together firmly, until someone grips my sleeve and tugs at it lightly.

'Huh?' I let out, drawing my attention away from the outside world and to the person sitting next to me. She truly is a Russian princess, I think to myself, as I silently admire the way she bats her eyelashes and the way her hair is curled up neatly over her shoulder. Her words seem far away.

'Are you okay? You haven't spoken since we left.' There is genuine concern in her eyes and my smile is so tiny that I would understand if she didn't recognize it as one at all. 'Sean…' My eyes have already turned to face the glass again so I didn't expect her to place her hand on top of mine. 'Are you still unsure about staying with Division?' I recognize that underlying tone of voice when she's trying way too hard to stay strong, but underneath that mask there is nothing but uncertainty.

I drop my gaze to our connecting hands, and take a moment to enjoy the feel of our skins together. I focus on my heartbeat, her warmth… just an attempt to be able to remember what it felt like even if years passed. She squeezes me gently. 'No.' I say matter-of-factly, and I know I mean it with all my heart.

She waits a beat. 'Okay.' Her hand slips off of mine and I miss her immediately.

I clear my throat awkwardly, pulling my hand back and placing it on my lap, where I know she wouldn't take it.

* * *

_You won't leave me, will you?_

'You don't have to stay here, you know.'

Her gentle voice is a warm sensation as it cuts through the icy silence that hangs in the air. I look up to meet her eyes and nod. Slowly. 'I know. But I will.'

A smile creeps up on Nikita's face. I nod again, and let my eyes fall back to the bed, where Alex is lying peacefully – it's almost as if she's merely sleeping – and I can't help but gulp. I remember the terror in my eyes when the car crashed into Alex's motorcycle. I was standing just a few feet away, and it took me forever to stumble on my feet and race to her side.

Blood was just… everywhere, and if it weren't for Nikita, I would've gotten a panic attack right there. Alex's eyes were closed, but Nikita told me that she got a – somewhat weak – heartbeat, and so Michael pulled out his phone and called for backup.

I remember Nikita allowing me to fall unto my knees next to Alex, cupping her face in my hands. My voice was trembling, as were my lips, and before I even realized just how horrified I was, I felt a single tear slip from the corner of my eye.

Here I go again. I curl my fingers together firmly, trying hard to stay strong with Nikita still in the room. She notices.

'You know, Sean…' I don't look up, but I can hear soft thuds as she approaches me slowly. 'I just want you to know… I'm really grateful that you're here for Alex. You might think it won't make much of a difference, but she'll know. Trust me.'

Her words cause me to jerk my head upwards again and there's that curve of the lips again. In that moment, I realize why Alex has so much faith in her mentor. Despite everything Nikita has done and seen and more importantly, after everything people have made her suffer through, she remained this solid, warm heart for the people who were kind to her. I kind of felt like I was starting to belong to that group of people too, and it made me feel a little warm inside my chest.

'Thank you, Nikita.' I say, a smile on my face at last. 'You're pretty neat for a warrior.'

Her shoulders jump up and down as she laughs. I return that laugh with a chuckle of my own. It takes a moment until she recollects herself and eyes the door. 'I won't be gone for long. Michael said he'd take me for another visit first thing tomorrow morning.'

'Okay, good. I wouldn't want her to miss you.' There's a hint of sadness in my voice, and we let a jagged silence stretch between the two of us.

I sit there for what seems to be hours, and when the doctor comes in later, he confirms that it's been hours. He takes just a few minutes to check up on her, then silently leaves again, leaving me alone with my thoughts.

'Bye.' Her word feels a little bit awkward, but my remark has made this unpleasant, so it was unavoidable. I glance at Alex lying silently on the bed in front of me, and consider the time I've spent sitting by this bedside.

'I'm so sorry, Alex.'

I bite the inside of my cheek in an attempt to vent, a feeling of rage boiling up inside of me. 'I'm so sorry…' Every time the apology rolls of my tongue – and it happens a lot – I feel my chest tighten, my heart reminding me that she might never come back to this place – to me – again.

'I hope you'll stay here with us.' I reach out to her hand, and fold mine over it. She's cold, and I don't like it. '…with me.' I add those words in a hush, barely audible.

I'm never comfortable with getting sentimental, but I feel like I should just get it out. I'm alone until the next morning, so I might as well try to flush everything out before Nikita and Michael return.

* * *

_You love me?_

What I feel can only be described as a rush of emotions when I notice that she's waking up. I momentarily consider flying out of the room to grab the doctor so that he can check on her condition. But fortunately, I am able to calm myself down before I do that. Me freaking out completely is probably the last thing she needs right now.

'Sean...' she breathes shakily, her eyes still trying to adjust to the pain and the lights around her.

'Hey…' I'm very aware of the fact that my voice is unsteady and my eyes are still moist at the corners, but I couldn't care less right now. My lips curl up into a trembling smile and for a second, I forget how to breathe.

Her eyes look tired as hell, and her skin is pale as porcelain. But she's alive, and it's beautiful.

She speaks, a little weakly. 'Were you here all the time?'

I nod. 'All the time.'

She coughs a little, her voice obviously dry. I immediately shoot up from my chair, concern washing over my face. 'It's okay,' she says, noticing my behavior. 'I may just need a little water.'

'I'll go get some for you.' I say promptly, eyes already focused on the exit door.

'Thank you.'

I nod, turning on my heel to walk to the door, when she stops me.

'Sean.' My head turns back to her. She gestures me to come closer to her, and I hesitantly take two steps. 'I…' Her voice cracks and I can't figure out if it's because she's nervous or if it's because she has a dry mouth. She waits, unsure of her words.

'What?' I ask, as gently as possible.

'I think I…' she pauses midsentence, and I feel like stomping my feet in curiosity. '…love you.' She finishes, and immediately breaks eye contact with me.

My body feels frozen, my brain has switched into overdrive. My fingers, they twitch with the pockets of my jeans. I mentally tell myself that I should try not to make a big deal out of this, even though it's a big – or huge – deal.

The silence that stretches between us is one that is both tense and unfamiliar. I feel an uncomfortable blush coming up, and I clear my throat. 'I… will get you that water.'

She nods, and I'm pretty sure she's glad to be alone for a second.

* * *

_How long will you stay with me?_

Rehabilitation takes months, but I am glad that she's such a fighter. She's done such a great job recovering, I admire it. Sometimes, I try to bring up the subject of quitting the 'assassin' thing altogether, but she shoots it down so fiercely that I decide that I can't change that part about her.

I'm standing on the grass of a small field in a local park. The area is covered in bright lights, and several people are seated on uncomfortable looking fold-up chairs. I tug at the collar of my shirt lightly, my eyes briefly looking over at Alex. She's standing a few feet away from me, dressed in a beautiful blue dress. She's holding a bouquet of flowers with a permanent smile on the face.

Who would've thought that we'd actually get here?

My eyes travel to a pair standing in the middle of it all. I've never seen Michael look so happy.

'I do.' I hear him say, and I swear he says it with a crack in his voice.

The ring is slipped on the finger, and as Michael and Nikita move in to kiss each other, everyone erupts into cheering. The music is barely hearable through the mixture of cheering and clapping.

There's a loud laugh from Nikita's side when Michael wraps his arms around her waist and spins her in the air, giving her another kiss.

I can't help it- I smile at the sight. I'm so preoccupied with watching the happy couple, that I don't realize that Alex has walked over to me.

I feel a nudge in the stomach, and I turn my head. My eyes immediately meet baby blue eyes, the ones that belong to the woman I feel so strongly for. 'Hey.' My smile grows wider.

She doesn't respond in words. Instead, she places her hand on the back of my head and stands on her toes to press a kiss to my lips.

After all this time, I still get a little weak to the knees. Her kisses taste like… hope, I guess, is what one could say. Whenever she kisses me, I feel so alive and optimistic. I'm always gentle when it comes to kissing Alexandra Udinov. She's been through so much, and I would hate to make her feel uneasy in my proximity.

She leans back, and it's over too soon. Her eyes give me another glint before turning back to Michael and Nikita, and I allow myself to fantasize.

How long will I stay with her?

How long will she stay with me?

Could she be the one that I would spend the rest of my life with? At the moment, she feels like the one I should be with, forever and always.

But things change, and people change. Events occur. I have no way of knowing what could happen to us in five years. In our line of work, our lives are at stake on a daily basis.

Whenever that thought crosses my mind, even if it's just for a second, I feel a sadness creeping up on me. And she knows. I think she knows right now, because I feel her hand enveloping mine.

My eyes look down at our connected hands.

I know we're together now. She's happy, and I'm happy. And I guess that is good enough for now.

* * *

**Author's Note: Honestly? I just wanted to write something. I wrote half chapters of the stories I have yet to continue, but for some reason, finishing them is just so hard for me. Bear with me, please, and in the meantime… I hope you enjoy these 'useless' one-shot fics from me, that will appear from time to time.**


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